Holding On To What I Don't Deserve
by ReadySetJett
Summary: In order to protect Alek, Deryn has just killed German soldiers- three of them. What is she going to do? Rated 'T' because I feel like it.


****EDITED BECAUSE IT WAS DOUBLE. Lol I realize the ending dialogue sentence thingy is NOT something Deryn would say. WAYY to proper. And if your thinking of Les Miz… She's not gonna die. ONE SHOT.**

Deryn gazed at the dead German's in horror, then at the black pistol in her grip. She started to shake. She has killed three German men. All with this little gun. Of course, she had been protecting Alek but how could she not have actually thought this through?

"Dylan," came Alek's firm but gentle voice. "If you would give Hans the gun back, please." But she wasn't listening. It had all happened so fast.

"Dylan." She gripped the gun tighter, unmoving. How could she have done that?

"Dylan!" came the sudden snap of Alek, gripping her wrist. "It's over! Everything is all right!"

"No its not!" she screeched, uncaring about her voice now. She flung the gun away, wrenching out of Alek's grip. "I just killed three people, Alek! THREE!"

Alek gave her a sad look. "Please don't do anything stupid."

She let out a hysterical laugh. "Don't do anything stupid? This entire thing is stupid! I was stupid! Jaspert was stupid! Why pretend at all? It's all STUPID!" Alek's brow furrowed.

"Pretend?"

Suddenly she felt a vise like hand grip her shoulder, squeezing it. She glanced up with wide eyes. Volger gazed down at her, an odd look in his eyes- a mix of pain and encouragement. She shut her eyes, letting herself relax and go numb.

She jerked open her eyes, they flashed defiantly. "My name is Deryn Sharp. I am a fool."

Alek recoiled. "...Deryn?" he breathed.

"I lied," she said quietly as the Count's hand slipped from her shoulder. "I am sorry."

Silence settled over them. Klopp, Bauer, and Hoffman stared at her in alarm and shock. Alek stared at her as well but looking unsure whether to be angry or just confused. Volger's expression was unreadable but even.

"I don't know," said Alek jerkily. "what to think." Deryn gazed at him softly.

"Of course you don't," Volger snapped suddenly. Deryn looked at him in surprise. Was the Count seriously on her side? "She didn't tell you because of self-preservation. Only I know." His eyes were cold and hard. "How else do you think I managed to convince her to help us? Any other officer would have locked us up. Not Deryn. I made her." The he went silent, brooding in his own thoughts. Deryn cracked a tiny smile. That was certainly out of character.

Alek's shoulders slumped. "I still am...unsure," he growled, his eyes dark.

Deryn saw a flicker of moment behind him. It was tiny, dark. Her eyes narrowed and she took a menacing step forward. In turn, Alek took a step back.

"Don't go any farther," hissed Deryn, watching past him as the small figure crept forward. Alek's eyes grew wide as she tensed, ready to spring if necessary. There was a tiny glint in the dying sun. The Clanker boy took several steps back.

"I. Am. Warning. You," she snarled. Bauer picked up the black pistol and raised to levelly at her head. Volger's eyes scanned about with narrowed eyes.

The figure was close now, and still closing. She got ready to jump as the figure raised a gun. Deryn took the chance and lunged at Alek suddenly. She whipped around as she landed and shoved the boy to the ground. The boy skidded to the ground with a cry.

Two BLAMs' reverberated about them. One shot through her shoulder, the other, her stomach. First, she was jerked to the right then forward. She fell, blood streaming out of the corner of her mouth. Volger's eyes grew wide and he drew the saber, the metal singing as it left its sheathe. His gaze settled on the figure, he lunged forward evasively. He reached it in a matter of seconds and gave a quick thrust forward, jamming the blade in it's chest. The man gurgled a short cry then fell.

Deryn doubled over around her guts, blood pouring from her faster then she would've thought. Watching it made her sick, but what else could she do? Absolutely nothing. Volger stormed back, sliding the saber back into the sheath neatly. She clenched her fists, the pain becoming nearly unbearable.

Volger knelt, reaching over her to press a hand against her stomach. Alek stumbled forward, blood coming down the side of his face where she had pushed in into the dirt.

"Sorry," she said weakly. "for shoving you." Hoffman swept down beside them, tugging off his jacket and replaced Volger's hand with it. Volger gazed at his bloody hand for a long moment.

"Shove me anytime you want!" sputtered Alek. "You saved my life! Again..." His shoulder's slumped. "Who cares how many times I'm shoved? Your shot!" Deryn was silent, unable to argue. She felt to weak from bloodloss. Hoffman was swearing under his breath, pressing hard against her side.

"I'm such a ninny," she chuckled suddenly. "I just had to wait until I was in hysterics to tell my secret. Pathetic really."

"Be quiet," said Alek soothingly. Deryn sighed, shaking her head weakly. She felt as though she were holding on by invisible strings, her grip loosening. She shut her eyes, thoughts of Alek filling her head. The pain released it's grip a little. She thought harder and it's grip slipped farther away. She opened her eyes and laughed a little. Her vision was surprisingly clear. She gazed up at Alek and drank in every detail of him. His windblown red-brown hair, his dark green eyes, wide and scared, his bloody face, and his pale skin. The tears welling in his eyes, made her sad and pain regained its hold. She flinched.

She reached up slowly and wiped the tears from his eyes and smiled a little. She would always remember him this way.

"I'll be fine," she said reassuringly. "Remember when we met, when we went to see Mr. Rigby. He was hurt this same way and he was flitting about the ship in less then a week."

Alek nodded a little. "But we are not in an airship anymore. We are on our own." She shook her head.

"No," she answered. "we're not. But I told you I'll be fine. I promise. And I don't break my promises. Volger can vouch for me on that." She smiled gently at him. Beside him, Volger nudged his arm.

"Die Blutung verlangsamt, Sir." Hoffman said. "Schnell, jetzt." Volger nodded, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

"Vielen Dank, Hoffman," he answered. He looked down at Deryn, eyes bright. "He said the bleeding is slowing already. I think you'll be fine."

Deryn exhaled slowly and shut her eyes.

"Then I'll see you when I wake."

Soon the world went silent and she could only feel Alek's hand on her forehead, reassuring her she would wake and see his beautiful face again.


End file.
